Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Hapkido time

Just some Hapkido warm ups, kicks, and messing around.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Bus Stop Ridicule

I was standing at the bus stop outside of a Homeplus (a Walmart type place) after just finishing teaching.  There was a mom and a 3 year old girl standing under the awning with me.    The girl was jumping around and singing an English song, no doubt that she learned at her school.  She was also looking at me while she was singing it.  She is the same age and size of my students so I had to tell her good job.  "Good job", I said to her.  Of course she looks up at me with an unsure expression, as all Korea kids do after they try to get your attention and succeed.

I said to her "high five" and presented my hand for her to slap.  My students love this very much...that and touching my arm "fur"...or as they say it "puh".  The little girl of course didn't slap my hand...but instead did something MUCH better.  She looked up at her mother, and then me, and said in Korean "pervert".  I couldn't believe this little 3 year old girl called me that.  I started laughing really hard because this little girl had some big balls.  Her mother gasped, as if she couldn't believe that her little angel even knew that word. 

I went back to reading my book but still standing next to them waiting for the bus.  About a minute later the little girl turned to me and, again in Korea, demanded to know who I was.  I told her "I'm Jake teacher."  Then she said something else to her mother which I didn't understand, but it had to not be nice because her mother covered her mouth and whisked her onto the bus that came a little too late.

It was very very funny. 

Friday, August 13, 2010

Loss

When you lose someone, anyone, it's never an easy thing.  My grandmother recently passed away and I have been stuck here in Korea.  I tried to get home but even the earliest, most expensive flight, wouldn't have gotten me home in time for the funeral.  I wished money didn't rule my choices as much as it does.  It was really hard the first day I heard, but like any pain, it gets easier and less painful every day after. 

She was a holocaust survivor.  The last person in my family that bore that proud title.  Losing a piece of history makes her passing even harder on the living.  I would like to think she is somewhere better or more peaceful.  We will all eventually find out.

The only thing that made me feel better is being able to write something for my father to read at her funeral.  I'll end this post with that eulogy:



I regret that I've missed so much since I've been out here, but most of all I regret not being able to be in this room with all of you, for possibly the saddest reason.  We tried to get a flight for me but there wasn't anything, and it pains me to even have to make an excuse.  If you knew my grandma you know that she had one of the toughest lives possible.  Tougher than any of us want to imagine.  But, she found love after hate, and created her own family for her to play her part in.  Two generations later she because the Jewish Grandmother.  Her job description was simple.  Be the target of my Poppi's jokes, make chicken soup and all our favorite foods, and all the while, do it with love and affection.  No matter how mean the jokes got, or how messy the apartment was, or how much I played with her soft, saggy, old lady skin on the underside of her arm...when we caught her eye she smiled. She would never even sit down to eat the dinner she cooked because she worried that we wouldn't enjoy the food, or not have enough of it...which was never the case. 

She had so much love and so much pride from her grandchildren.  Even something as mundane as sitting at her old plexi glass table, she would always grab my hand and kiss it.  She would grab my face and kiss my cheek if it was within her grasp.  After my Poppi died she closed up.  The phone calls got even shorter than the regular 1 minute "how are you, I'm fine, O.K I love you" ones, and she shrunk into herself and her grief.  It was another dark chapter in her life.  But the last few years, after my brother finished his book about my grandparents holocaust story, she brightened up.  It's like her protective shell cracked and the light flooded through again.  I remember the first phone call we had after that.  We must have talked for 10 minutes.  I think that was an all time record.  She lived the last couple of years of her life as content as she could have been, and that thought makes me as content as I can be. 

Some Memories:

I will miss her answering machine messages.  Especially when they were first invented.  My family and I would go on vacation and each time we came home there would be about 10 messages all starting the same way.  "Sam???  Hello???  Are you there??? Noah??? Hello???"  and then ending in various ways.  My favorite ending was always "O.k, leave me alone god damn it." *click*. She just didn't get it.

I will miss her Leon necklace and the donation can on her plexi glass table.

I will miss being shtooped money for no reason other than being her grandson.

I will miss the family get-togethers at her apartment.

I will miss being asked if I want to eat again 10 minutes after we ate dinner, and then 10 minutes again after she asked me if I wanted to eat the last time.

I will miss being pined over and all the funny stories about what she did this time and who she offended.

I will miss her incredibly crooked signatures on my birthday cards because her hand wouldn't stop shaking when she signed them.

I will miss her strength.

I will miss her. 

Her story has been written down and will live on in myself and my family.  We all learned something from her in one way or another, and my family's future generations will learn too.  That thought comforts me. 

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Muddy BASTARDS 2010 MUDFEST

Every year, for the last 3 years, there is a festival in Boryeong, S. Korea called simpley "Mud Fest".  I'm sure you can imagine what it's like, but just in case your imagination is currently lacking, I shall describe it a bit for you. 

IMAGINE:
A quiet beachfront city, with a nice long beach wheretwo rock bluffs stand on each side.  The sand is made up of shells broken down over thousands of years, but still not experienced enough to be fine, soft sand.  The wind blows from the cold sea over the hot land and cools those who stroll on the sea-view road.  The sun sets over the water as the reflection of colors bounce up into your eyes and illuminate a serene and calming piece of the brain....then BAM!  July 17th rolls around and buses roll in.  The local Koreans line the street selling everything from rooms to suntan lotion to condoms.  From the sand grows sculptures created by master artists.  The giant inflatable pool and obstacle courses get filled with air and mud.  The older crowd starts to lock their doors at night and sleep with earplugs in.  The inflatable slide get's blown up just like the hopes of the Korean store owners, who can make their yearly quota in two weekends. 

Mudfest begins.  From the buses come Koreans and Foreigners alike.  From cars come photographers and bystanders who hope just to watch.  The cardboard clad floors of the beachfront convenience stores lay silent as the immense stock of alcohol waits to be imbibed.  The air is about to erupt with amazingness.

Enough with the imagery.  There are pools and pools of mud, mud prisons, mud slides, mud courses, mud jousting, mud art, colored mud for body painting, and most importantly, mud covered people. There is about 1/2 a mile of activities boarding the beach.  On the beach is a stage with non-stop entertainment and a fireworks show later at night.  On the obstacle courses, there are lines where people wait for hours for a 2 second ride.  But I prefer the pools.  There is a full contact mosh pit in constant motion.  If you go in, be prepared to get tackled.  As a former rugby player and wrestler, this is my zen garden of happiness.  Boys and girls walk in and exchange tackles sans animosity.  If you tackle someone, when you turn around expect one back.  Hell, I personally run around the outside of the inside of the pool and tear people down.  I even started outside the pool and did a flying jesus onto as many people I could grab inside the pool...more than once.  Every once in a while I had to stop to bring my waterproof camera to the wash station and clean the tiny particles out of the lens cover.  But I went right back in with spewing anticipation.

I was in heaven.

After I had my share of peaceful violence, I made my way to the beach to clean up.  It's fun to walk around the hoards of people because you see people there you haven't seen for a while. You find them randomly in the crowd, covered in mud, and then you have a nice little reunion.  It's cool to go down into the ocean after you are finished to wash off the mud. 

Later that night there was a party thrown by the group I went with.  I was on the way when I saw these 10 Korean dudes eating Sam Gyup Sal (basically pork strips) and drinking Soju.  Naturally, I went over to them and introduced myself.  I spent the next 1.5 hours drinking and eating with them, alst the while practicing my Korean, which has gotten pretty good since my lessons began (but not THAT good). Some friends saw me but didn't join because they couldn't keep up with the language.  I eventually invited them to my party, but there weren't many other Koreans so they felt uncomfortable.  They went back.  I partied.  After a while I remember thinking to myself "that's it, I've had ENOUGH", and I mosied on back to where I was sleeping. 

The next morning I woke up and felt like I got hit by a truck (as you can see from the picture below, the guy was the size of a truck).  I went to the beach, ate a yummy pork backbone stew, and went home by bus.












Friday, June 25, 2010

It's been a while

I have so much to write about, but even less time.  Between play practice, work, the world cup, and all other small but numerous things that slip into my day to day, well you get the point. 


World cup madness here is awesome.  The whole downtown area is red (Korea's color), and swarming with people.  Big screens set up, people cheering...it's quite entertaining.  I'll get back to writing soon. 

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Life and the not so life.

Oh boy I've got an easy month this June.  Every single week the kids go on a field trip.  That means I miss at least 2 of my 4 classes; sometimes I'll miss all 4 depending on where they go and when they go.  Last week they actually went somewhere two days back to back.  I've been catching up on my reading.

The book I'm reading now is book 3 of the "River World Saga".  If you don't like science fiction books you won't enjoy it at all. If you do, I recommend you look them up and try out the first one.  When I'm not reading I'm catching up on my t.v shows and movies...and also playing video games.  I got two new ones; Call of Duty: Modern Warfare and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.  I blame these for not letting me write in my blog as much.

I got an easy life for now.  It's going to get a little more stressful once I re-start applying for visas and trying to find where my wife and I are going to go to school when back in the states (Yes I said wife.  We got married on May 24th!). 

Things are basically the same here besides the conflict between the North and South right now.  If you haven't been reading, the North blew up a South Korean warship a couple weeks ago and 40 something S. Korean sailors died.  The South doesn't want to attack the north with bombs and bullets because then the North would shoot off their thousands of artillery pieces aimed right at Seoul.  War would ruin their economy and devastate their capital city.  But, they are attacking N. Korea with propaganda.  They are sending leaflets over by way of balloon telling the Northern citizens about the torpedo attack.  They are using billboards on the S. side of the DMZ to urge troops to defect to the S.  And, after years, they started to re-broadcast radio signals into the North all in an effort to persuade defection (word? now it is) and realization.

There won't be a warlike conflict now, but I have a bad feeling about all of this.  The north is like a crazy little kid.  If you pick on them too much they'll snap and so something stupid.  The problem is they think everything is picking on them. Everything the South does causes the North to threaten war.  Even when they officially asked the U.N to deal with the N. over the attack, they said something along the lines of "South Korea told on us, that is the same as declaring war." ...yeah I know.

Either way, if something happens, my city is far out of range of their artillery.  I registered with the embassy so I should get evacuation plans and blah blah blah by email.  Who knows, if something does happen it might even make it easier to get my wife back to America.  Hmmmm...there could be a sweet side to all the sour.  But that is incredibly selfish.  As for now, like the rest of the country.  I'm seeing where it goes.

If there are mistakes in this post, sorry.  I typed it in one shot.  I have to finish up The Deer Hunter.  It's a long freaking movie and I want to get to sleep around midnight.  Stay cool.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Jew

About a week ago my school took all the kids to the ZOO.  Except most of the kids don't say 'zoo'...the other teachers too.  They have a hard time with the Z sound so it comes out as Joo, or Jew.  They were all saying stuff about the zoo such as "teacher today we are going to the Jew" and every time in my head I couldn't help but think 'guys...you go to the Jew everyday for English class'.  Anyway, they were all wearing their assorted summer wear.  Big sunglasses, ridiculous sun hats that their parents made them wear, and they all had these mats to sit on for lunch.

When we got there, there were many schools on field trips.  It was busy busy busy.  The kids sat down on the grass, which was difficult with 300 3-5 year olds, and left their bags where they were sitting.  We split up into classes and walked around a little.  This was kind of stupid because we went to maybe 5 different enclosures and spent about 5 minutes looking at each one.  The teacher walked us right by a cool jaguar , wolf, and another big cat, that I saw only because I could see over the other schools kids heads, and completely skipped the bear cage.  I even saw the elephant come out as the kids were walking past it.  They couldn't see the elephant because it was up the stairs.  But as the teaching was hurrying past it, I was lifting the kids up to see it quickly one by one as the line was still moving. 

After the 30 minutes of walking around and the pictures the teacher wanted instead of showing the kids other animals...we went back to the grass for lunch.  I stuffed my face with KimBop (kinda like sushi but no fish) and Jap Chae (cold noodles) and Cho Bop (yummy mixed rice wrapped in tofu).  I also had a BLT (minus the T cause I hate raw tomato).  It was probably the best part of the day.  After lunch we played with the kids which was basically running around and chasing them, then being chased, all the while dodging kicks and punches to the butt and groin.  They can be vicious little kids sometimes.



All in all a good day, just wished we had more time to walk around and check out the animals.  What was funny is that they had a HUGE enclosure for the rare and elusive goose....It was a little ridiculous.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Pushin' Tea

There has recently been a crackdown on Marijuana in Daegu.  Every once in a while the police will get wind of an operation run by a misc. foreigner, and this, to them, is just unacceptable.  Foreigners already have a stereotype here for dealing drugs and spreading STD's.  The fact that some foreigners really do that is bad for business, so to speak.  I'm sure they bust Koreans sometimes, but the mobsters run that op usually so the 'old boys network' keeps them going.  Plus, busting foreigners is bigger news and gets the police on the front page probably.  They recently caught a Korean American guy with over 300 grams of pot growing in his apartment.  After they bust him they look in his phone for all calls repeating to and from people.  Those people get a surprise visit from the police, at school, and get drug tested on the spot.  

A lot of people get kicked out of the country this way, but for the people who were just friends with the kid it sucks.  It's quite embarrassing to get drug tested in school in the first place, especially if you fail, and get the boot.  But if you pass and don't get kicked out, the suspicion alone is really bad AND you have to stay and deal with that.  I am happy to say, I only knew of the kid in question (never called him), and I am as clean as a whistle anyway.  But man, this kid is going to serve some serious time. 


Also, on the tea front, I have been drinking it (and I mean real tea) hard core.  Every morning I'll have a cup if it's not too hot outside.  But about three times already I have felt like I was getting sick, or at least a cold.  I immediately and indiscriminately start guzzling down whatever tea I can find at school.  By lunch time I usually feel 100% better.  It's quite amazing how amazing tea works.  Mental, or physical...it does the job. 

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Pre-firedrill post reading

before you read what's below, you should look at this picture of my favorite student.  Her name is Flora and she finds me every morning to say hi, or her version of hi, which is basically squeeking.  She wants to be picked up so she can touch my face (usually my big nose).  If you remember I mentioned a little girl who laughs at anything I say and thinks I'm the funniest person in the world...well this is her. 

But back to the pre-fire drill reading.

I can't tell you how happy I am that this school did a fire drill.  My first year in Korea, at public school, there was not one fire drill.  There never is because the government doesn't make it mandatory.  I would guess there has never been a death from a fire at a school before, so this is the base line for not doing one....which is stupid.  Of course it might happen one day.  Knock on wood it doesn't, but if there was a death, that is what it would take for the government to force it upon schools.  The excuse would be just as bad as the event.  It would go something like this, "This never happened before, we didn't know it would, so it's not our fault."  If you read my previous post about the parents who let their kid starved to death because they were raising a fake baby on the internet...their excuse was something along these lines. 

It means a lot to me that this school has at least enough sense to practice an evacuation without being told to do so.  As we all know, shit happens.  And this little girl is one of the protected here at my school because of this preemptive strike.  Stay healthy readers.  Peace.

FIIIIRRRRREEEEEEEEE....drill

It's been a recent trend lately to tell me something is going on and my classes are canceled.  But then they'll come back and tell me 10 minutes before the class that it isn't canceled.  So I stopped listening to everyone, and started to assume that they are always wrong.  I even told them to stop telling me any cancellation stuff until just before the class to be canceled.

Today we had a fire drill.  They of course, as per my request, didn't tell me.  I didn't have class during the drill anyway.  BUT it would have been nice to get a heads up so the damn fire bell didn't scare the shit out of me.  I haven't heard one of those in a long long time, and it was painful.  I was on my computer at school (like I am right now 10 mins after the drill) and I jumped in my chair.  I guessed it was a drill.  Correct.

I walked out of my office just in time to see all my 3 years olds walking in a line, bent over,  low to the ground with their hands over their mouths.  Very VERY cute.  I followed them outside where the rest of them were sitting in lines, in the playground area.  As soon as I walked out about 10 of them got up and ran to me to hug me, and the rest yelled my name.  The teachers looked at me with disdain because they were trying to keep the kids quiet.  I thought I better go behind the masses so they couldn't see me.  The fire guys came out to do a lecture on fire extinguishers and other stuff.  It was a little chilly so I wanted to go back inside but I was told to stay out.  I didn't know why, but when I insisted on going inside my co-worker was sitting in the office almost in tears.  She told me she got into a fight with our boss and she quit.  Oh....woops.  I left her alone for a little and went back outside.

As of now that same co-worker is sitting next to me working, so I'm guessing they worked it out?  It would be a shame to lose her as a co-worker.  She is cool, and really likes to work.  She also has the most travel experience of any Korean person I have met, which naturally brings her near the top of my cool Korean person list.  A cute drill, a small fight.  Be good.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Motivation in an awesome form

I'll tell ya, after performing at that bar this last time I really want to get back out there again.  I get complimented that night of course, but it was really nice to be recognized and complimented again the following weekend after.  It's not much, but it's nice to make an impression, especially a positive one.  I'm pretty damn motivated after this.  I might even try to write my own songs!  Who knows! 

Just happy to be singing again.  Also a girl recognized me from when I first performed there like 8 months ago.  She is very big into acting and runs some acting groups.  It was good to connect with her because I'll be starting acting again.  An art I am VERY out of practice in.  This year is both promising with a great job, and getting back into my passions.  I'm excited to get back to practice.  Comment on my videos, let me know if I should stop it!....or keep going????!??

Monday, April 12, 2010

Overseas Marriage

Wow...an American trying to marry a Filipino in Korea...yeah confusing.  Even more confusing is the paperwork that goes with it.  My government really wants to deter people who are trying to marry just to get someone a green card.  I can understand why, but it makes it so annoying for those of us who are getting married for all the right reasons.  I printed out only half of the forms that we needed and I gasped.  It was so heavy and thick.  Good thing I got into reading in the last couple of years because I'm going to need those skills.

I SHALL NOT BE DETERED!  SCREW YOU AMERICAN RULES OF ENGAGEMENT!

Friday, April 9, 2010

A sad story

Forgive me for ruining the mood of this whole blog, but as we enjoy humor and adventure, we also have to endure sadness.  Someone said you can't appreciate the sweet without the sour, but as of this moment, there is very little sweet. 

In my previous post, you might have read about my Hapkido family and the dinner we all had...I was walking into the subway today on my way to the gym when I was called by my ex-coworker.  He told me that a friend of ours was killed in an accident.  I called her Nu-Nim, which in Korean means 'elder sister'.  Now that I am forced to think about it, I don't even know her real name, but she was always at dinner with us smiling, drinking (only a little because she was the responsible one) and joking.  She was a very nice lady.  She was the first Korean person ever to feed me.  At dinner, when I first arrived, she was so excited to meet me that she picked up her chopsticks and shoved a piece of pork in my mouth even before I was settled into my seat.  Back then,  I didn't know that was a sign of respect and welcome, but she didn't let much get in the way of her personality.

Tonight I take off my Hapkido uniform and put on my suit.  I'll be going a funeral service instead of practice.  I haven't been hit with a death of a current friend in quite sometime.  I feel sorry for her husband and son.  I hope that there is at least a little bit of truth, if not a lot, in Heaven and God; or at least something similar to it.  I can't call what I have faith, but definitely hope.  It would be nice.  Deaths always make people feel lucky to be alive, and love the ones you love that much more.  So to honor her, I will live, and live well.  So please grab your loved ones and give them a big smooch and a hug.  Horrible things happen everyday.  Stay healthy, happy, and safe everyone.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Re-start squared

My first year in Korea I was very heavily into Hapkido.  I took classes every day and sometimes twice a day.  They were free so why wouldn't I?  I also competed a bit, and succeeded in placing in the national competition, which was very very sweet.  But when I returned for my second year it wasn't in the same city as my first year, and therefore nowhere near my Hapkido gym.  I went from being a black belt to a bum.  No gym, no practice...I felt like I forgot everything I learned.


The great thing about this year is that I AM BACK IN MY ORIGINAL CITY!  By bus, I live about 1hr and 15 minutes away from where my gym is, but that won't stop me from going at least once a week.  My first time seeing my "Hapkido family," as they proudly call themselves (and so do I), was the weekend before last.  My Kwan Jang Nim (Hapkido Master) welcomed me back with a party.  In attendance was everyone I knew and hung out with from my first year.  The only person who speaks English in that group is my co-worker from year 1, who made the original introduction, but my Kwan Jang Nim and have developed an understanding.  Between his really broken English and my really broken Korean we can talk about almost anything, and have a pretty good understanding of each other. The welcome back party was about 10 people, a lot of alcohol and food, and our lovely end of the night tradition, KARAOKE!  It was a great way to ease back into all of it.  It was like I never left.

So this last Friday I finally was able to put on my uniform and tie my black belt up again.  It's a lovely one with my name on it.  But because of my absence I had to look on the internet for the proper way to tie it because I forgot.  I hopped on the bus excitedly and awaiting my arrival in Chil-Gok.  My return was supposed to be a secret but my Kwan Jang Nim couldn't help himself, he told everybody.  I saw all the kids I practiced with, but now they were almost double their height.  It was nice to see them grown up a little...although still absent were their English skills.  There was so much I forgot, and I was expected to teach my old co-workers' new foreign teacher, who attended, some basics.  Things I forgot: Even though I looked up the belt knot, I still put the name on the wrong side.  When I took the belt off to fix it, I forgot to turn away from the flag. I forgot the order of the stretches, the balance warm-up, the breathing warm up, and how to get to the ground properly when kneeling to bow.  I gave my Kwan Jang Nim a heads up I was rusty, so he just laughed at me and kicked me in the butt.  After doing it once I remembered immediately.

After teaching the new guy the basics, which my K.J.N was grateful for (because he admitted to me he couldn't communicate with the guy), I warmed up my kicks and had a sort of kicking test.  I was worried that I would embarrass myself with the rust being chipped off my legs, but guess what...I STILL GOT IT.  I impressed myself and my K.J.N.  Side kicks, hook kicks, back kicks, spinning back kicks, jump kicks, spinning back jump kicks, 360 kicks taking off, kicking, and landing with the same foot (more gymnastics than martial arts, but still pretty cool to see)....All came back out of muscle memory.  I even heard my K.J.N gasp with a mixture of satisfaction AND disbelief.  "Better now, no last time" he said.  That is about as clear as it gets.

I am going back for 2 classes this Friday and then sticking around for the after party so to speak.  I got my Friday night planned out. If you are still with me here, this post is called 're-start squared' for a reason.  Besides Hapkido, I started going back to the gym too.  Joined for the year, gonna get back in shape.  Went today, used a trainer for the first time since it's free....Didn't like it.  Maybe do my own thing next time.  Watch out ABS here I come.

Monday, April 5, 2010

FINALLY

FINALLY 70 DEGREES AND SUNNY!  It's been raining for what seems an eternity.  80% of the days I've been here it's been peeing from the sky.  Now finally it's freaking nice outside and I can use my bike! 

The previous bike I bought was not exactly what I wanted so I got it fixed up and I'm giving it to my 'sister' for her birthday.  I bought this nice one from my fiancee's bass player and now I'm rocking it out lovely.

In other news, I got an extra class, and next month another one added on... I'm not too happy about it but I'm hoping this class adding stops.  Today one of the 2 kids in my after school class had an attitude attack after I told her should couldn't eat in the classroom.  First day, first problem.  She tried to make me feel bad by crying, but I told her it wouldn't work and if she needed she could go to the office.  She stopped and started participating.  I'm getting good at this. 

In my last 5 year old class during the 'stand up sit down' chant, one of the cuter girls in the class kept standing up when she was suppose to, but then ran over to me and buried her head in my lap and cracked up.  I hesitated too long to correct her and sit her down because I was laughing and she was so happy.  It was cute but it started a domino effect.  About 10 of the 15 kids stood up and charged.  All the while tripping on each other to race for the closest spot.  At this moment, the Korean teacher wasn't in the room (which is not usual for this class), and it took me a good 5 minutes to get them to sit down and not charge me every time they stood up.  Some kids are lucky they are adorable...Kinda like Flora, who thinks everything I do is the funniest thing in the world.  She cracks up constantly, and then stops when she realizes nobody else is laughing except her Korean teacher and I.  

Thursday, April 1, 2010

A Beastly Burden

This happened 2 days ago but I was singing at a bar last night and too busy to write yesterday.

The lady in charge of my side of the school (a.k.a my boss-ish) called me out into the hallway by the front doors. She was standing with a parent and she doesn't speak any English, so I thought that she wanted me to talk to him. I said hello and was about to go for the hand shake, when she pointed to the doors. I looked over and was taken aback a little bit because, laying there comfortably, were 3 beasts. One was a HUGE Alaskan Malamute, the other a pretty big Golden Retriever, and the last was a completely white Bull Terrier puppy. Since I am the only man in the whole building, I assumed she wanted me to get rid of them.

I went to open the doors and they were locked. The ladies got so scared they locked the doors so the dogs couldn't get in. You need to know that the normal size of a dog in Korea is something similar to a notebook. All Yorkies, or uglies, or shities. I don't know, but I hate small dogs. I unlocked the doors and walked out. They stood up and kinda looked at me. The puppy tried to get in but he was met with a shove from my foot. They were friendly enough so I tried to get rid of them. I got them half way down the block and then went back to my school. They followed me back. I knew this wasn't going to be easy.

The two big ones had collars on, but no tags for their owners. All three were expensive pure bred (from what I could see )dogs so they had to be owned. By this time all the free teachers and students were gathered by the door watching me. I had a hell of an audience. There is a police station across the street so I grabbed the collars, and a frightened co-worker and made my way across to the station. The puppy didn't have a collar but she followed everywhere the big ones went. I got to the station and the police, the "public servants", basically refused to help. They turned us away and said they saw them running around the parking lot.

Honestly, in this country, the police are a big joke. If they didn't carry guns, I would take them negatively serious, if that is even possible. They don't do shit, ever. Once I saw them drag a passed out drunk guy across the street, only to lay him on a bench and walk away. How serious can you be if you walk down the street in a group, 2 by 2, while holding hands. I even rode my motorcycle around the country for 2 years without a license plate and never even got stopped once, while giving them plenty of opportunities. BUT, for some reason the only thing they care about is when you cross the street when you don't have a light. really?

Anyway back to the story. After they shooed us away I walked around with these two monsters a little more, holding their collars by the metal D ring with one finger. They were pulling and it was hurting, but if I let them go they would either run back to my school or get hit by a car. I knew there was an animal hospital close by but it was 10 minutes walk, and the dogs were getting tired of me dragging them around. I had class in about 10 minutes and I had to get back. I had no choice but to let them go and hope they would run home using that 6th sense everyone keeps talking about. I let them go, and because they were probably angry at me, they ran into the parking lot and out of view...Better than the street. I didn't see them again, but hopefully they got home safe.

I was regarded as a hero for the rest of the day. Definitely brownie points with my boss...ish.
I wanted that Bull Terrier puppy so badly.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Table Pinball

I just went out to eat with my adopted Korean "sister" to a kim-bop place. For those of you who don't know, a kim-bop place is a smallish restaurant that you can order many different Korean dishes. It's usually small and cheap, but very tastey. The food is also ready with-in 10 minutes if not sooner. There was this little girl who was about the right age to be a level 1 student walking around the place. He parents didn't seem to care much because they didn't call her back once. It was unlucky for her that her head was the same height as the tables. Even more unlucky...she wasn't a very good walker.

I was at the table farthest from the door, and she started from 4 tables away, the closest to the door. SHE'S OFF, SMACK! into the first table with the left side of her head. And then as if she was flicked away by some invisible pinball flipper she smacked into the second table also head first, but this time the right side of her head made contact. Then, almost like there was no other possible way this could happen, left side of the head on the 3rd table, and then into my table to finish the round. She stood there next to me wondering what just happened. I almost shot a noodle out of my nose (it has happened before) I was laughing so hard. Without crying, she hurried back to her mother. Tough little girl...or soft tables?

Besides the pinball wizard, the meal was very satisfying.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Butt poking and sweatshirt bleaching

As if I don't get poked in the butt enough at school by my students, I have to guard myself at home too. My fiancee loves my tush. Not that I can blame her really, it's pretty nice. Many many years of dancing, rugby, and wrestling...well you get the point. I gotta be on guard 24 hours a day or I'll get the unpleasant poke in the butt. The kids are worse because they are about the same height as my butt, but my fiancee is not much taller, and she has great aim. I've gotten pretty good at dodging using my Hapkido skills, but this girl adapts quick. We spend a lot of the time chasing each other around our small studio apartment.

I told her that if she didn't stop I would be forced to blog about it. Needless to say, here we are. It might not stop her now, but she'll know people are reading about it! If I'm ever constipated you'll know it's not because of the 3 or 4 bananas I eat per day. And if you see her, beg her to stop. For my sake!

I've also had this white quicksilver (copywrite blah blah blah?) sweatshirt that I love. It's gotten pretty dirty over the years with all the places I've been. It was white and the lettering on the front, and inside of the hood were black. I say 'were' because when I came home today the sweatshirt was shining white kinda like one of those halogen headlights, BLINDING. But for some reason the inside of the hood and the letters were brown. I knew what happened. She bleached it. I asked her and she started laughing and so did I. At the exact same time we said "It's like a new sweatshirt!" It's actually pretty cool looking especially because it's now clean. Looks like it was supposed to be like that AND I didn't even have to pay for it. If we bleach it again will the hood get pink? We'll find out in a year or two.

New sytle, new schedule

Since people are reading this more now than ever before, I wanted to make it as nifty as possible. And not as retardalized (See the Jake-tionary) as it was before. Side note, thanks for checking back so often and reading. I've had about 500 hits in the last month. A lot of those are probably me seeing how the posts look, and my family, but thanks to all of you who aren't related to me(and of course those who are). Tell me what you think. If you think I should change a color of some text or whatever else, just leave me a comment please. Would appreciate some feedback. I'm no designer, but I'm not too upset with how it came out. I like orange, so shoot me.

SCHEDULE:
After class ended today it officially marked the beginning of my '4 classes a day' period of my life as an educator. I went from having 6 classes on Tuesdays and Fridays, AND going to a different school Monday and Thursday (an hour away by bus) after teaching two classes, to now only 4 classes each day in one school. I can't tell you how happy I am.

Also, I was observed today by a lot of people. The Language section of the school is going to adopt the program that my side of the school is using, The Meysen Program. It's pretty good. It gives structure to a commonly lax teaching enviornment, kindergarten. I had 3 foreigners and 3 Koreans in one class. The most difficult part was to keep the kids attention on me and not the 3 tall white dudes behind them (NO PROBLEM). I rocked it as always. All in all a good last 6 class day. Let us hope we won't have a repeat of that crazy schedule.

Thanks for reading, AND DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT ON THE NEW LAYOUT!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

THE BULL FIGHTING VIDEO!

FINALLY I CAN UPLOAD VIDEOS! Screw Youtube because they suck. I can't use their upload thing...at least from my apt.

Here is the bullfighting video.


Look below for a new post NOT about Korea!

Punctuality is DEAD. I blame you technology.

Do you remember those days when we didn't have the internet or cell phones?  When I was born they still weren't invented yet, or if they were, they were NOT mainstream what so ever.  Even towards middle school they weren't popular.  Beepers were (remember those??  If you had one you were apparently a drug dealer).  If I wanted to make a play date with a friend, I would have my mother call their mother.  When I got old enough to 'hang out', I would call them myself.  As was the norm back then, we would agree to meet each other at a specific place and time.  We would have to be there on time or else it would be way to confusing.  There was no way to call and tell someone they would be late, or while waiting, call the other person to find out where they are.  You made a plan and people got there.

People were late then and they are still late today.  I think it's some subconscious need for control and power over others.  But now, people who are ridiculously on time (like myself and my father) have to wait LONGER than ever because as new devices come out, people get more tardy.  Being punctual has become lax because not only can they call me,  but they can e-mail me, BBM me, text me...everything me...except MEET ME on time!  Faster internet, faster cars,  less waiting...everything to make things faster, but people get slower. 

I wouldn't hire more than half of the people out there in the world because of this.  You all will need help if I ever become a business owner.  I actually have to force myself to sit down at my computer or somewhere else so I can purposely be late for things because I know I'll be the first one to the party.

The only thing people are on still on-time for are movies.  And that is only because they are so god damn expensive you can't get your money's worth  if you miss anything. 

Monday, March 22, 2010

Bull Fighting!!


Alrighttttttt, last Saturday was AWESOME!  The local magazine, Daegu Pockets, sets up trips for foreigners and Koreans alike.  It's a good opportunity to meet new people that work in your city, and make Korea friends (switch that around if you are Korean).  This month they set up an awesome trip to the bull fights and a wine tunnel.  The wine tunnel is literally a tunnel owned by a place that makes their own wine.  You can call it a vineyard possibly, but the undergroundness of it all confuses me.  Anyway, about 150ish people met up and took 4 buses (which I was the captain of bus B, sweet bus.  Also got me free lunch and dinner!), and hit up the wine tunnel for some much appreciated tasting. I'm not a white wine fan, but this persimmon wine was decently tasty.  However, I didn't buy a bottle.  We were there for about an hour 1/2, after the hour they cut us off because we were drinking their whole stock. 

After we took a short ride to the bull fights.  It's not like a Spanish bull fight where there is a Matador.  It is two bulls fighting with each other.  Before you go all PETA on me for enjoying the shit out of this day, you need to remember that bulls do this in the wild all the time.  It's innate.  If they are going to be in captivity at least they get to exert their dominance like beasts should.  And oh boy did they exert.  THEY DO NOT KILL THE LOSER, NOR DO THEY DIE IN THE RING. I don't think they even served beef at the stadium.  I've posted a video so you can see.  It's very exciting.

So instead of sitting here and writing out how the matches work, just watch.  After was also very cool because they had karaoke on the bus ride back.  Well at least it was cool for me and a couple of others, I don't know how the rest of the people felt.  And I don't care.

Cheers guys.  And as always, thanks for reading (and more thanks for comments).


P.S- SORRY but I can't get the video of the bullfights up just yet.  Youtube isn't letting me. But I'll keep trying. Check back!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow.

I don't quite have time now to write this because I'm going to bullfighting.  Yes bullfighting.  Not like a Spanish bullfight, but an event where two bulls actually fight each other.  It's a little barbaric, but they use the loser for eating after.  I might have just lied to you but I wouldn't be surprised if there were beef samples upon departure. 

Tomorrow I'll be writing about the bull fight, and a post entitled "Thank you for making pants...now let's think rubber."  It's a wet one. 

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The greatest gift

I walked into work today and started to set up my classroom like any other day.  After I finished, I walked out to get coffee and was greeted by a little guy wearing a problematic face.  Almost as if he had a problem and he had no idea what to do.  I found out his problem.  He raised his pointer finger towards me as E.T did in the movie, but more like he was presenting me with an award.  On his finger was the biggest and most disgusting booger I have ever seen.  He WAS NOT my student so I just kinda looked around and walked away.  Of course, he followed me into the office, never putting his finger down.  There were other teachers in there so I pointed out the problem.  I was scared he was going to become SO desperate he would wipe it on me just to get it off his finger.  It was a gift I could not accept. 






As a post-story story...I have this student who is always drifting to sleep.  Not the nose picker, but in the same class.  He is good at catching himself and never really getting in trouble, but I think there might be a little bit of a problem after today.  I had them stand up prior to singing a song chock-a-block full of movement and while I was having them repeat the words they would be singing this kid's eyes start closing.  In slow motion he started to go down.  I knew what was going to happen so I got there before he fell...but he was falling asleep while standing.  Does anyone else think this is a problem???  I should tell the teachers to tell the parents maybe...I mean really, who falls asleep standing up besides that drunk guy I saw at 4am on the N.Y subway...but that is another story. 

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Adorable kids and St. Patricks Day

Today was St. Patricks Day at school and all of the kids on the ESL side of the school dressed in green. They were already really cute to begin with. Only 2 1/2 years old and always running around on the playground screaming and playing. Today was even cuter because they all had their faces painted with stickers everywhere. I would believe that their parents did that to them as a way to revert back to their childhood doll dress-up days; but I also wouldn't put it past the teachers to do while in school. It's very common to see teachers brushing their kids hair and fixing their shirts in the name of appearence. I am not saying that is good or bad, I'm just saying.

Anyway everything was green over there and it was entertaining to say the least. MY students aren't in green. They wear uniforms. The girls have grey skirts and the boys grey pants. They all wear a button down shirt underneath a purpuly maroonish sweater vest. Name tags seem to be an option. I can't tell you how many times these 3 year old girls come back from the bathroom with the backs of their skirts tucked into their stockings. They either don't care, or don't realize, but this is where the teachers jump to fix them. I don't fix anyone except if they are picking their noses or coughing in my face (if I'm sitting down they can reach...some of them).

Speaking of picking noses...Sometimes the kids will start to fall asleep in class, and almost ALL of the times they will be exploring for that unseen treasure. But yesterday I finally witnessed those two things rolled into one hilarious moment. This was an after lunch class so most of them were pretty tired and ready for home. I was reading them a story on the carpet and one kid was picking his nose hard core. As his eyes close more his finger slowed down, and when they were shut, there would be a split second his finger would stop moving and his head would start to dip. He would wake up slightly startled with his eyes only half open and, yup you guess it, the finger would start going again. This repeated almost 2 or 3 times before I started to laugh. I felt bad but I had to wake the poor kid up and make him stand because it was the 10th time or something I had to tell him not to fall asleep.

I was also called a diaper baby by a 4 year old. And elephant teacher, and dung teacher...I might want to re-think teaching these kids anything more...They are getting good.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

GET THIS

I just went to get a haircut. I went in with a text message of what I wanted in case they really didn't understand me. It turns out it wasn't necessary. The lady who cut my hair lived in New York for 15 years. What is even crazier is that she lived in Bayside, on Rocky Hill RD which is about 15-20 minutes away from where I live. EVEN CRAZIER is that her son went to the same school that my mother taught at. AND THE CRAZIEST OF ALL IS WHEN I SAID HER NAME HER MOUTH DROPPED AND SAID "I KNOW HER!!!!!"

What are the odds. Her English wasn't great because she worked in Korea Town, but still good enough where we had a decent conversation. It is crazy how coincidental things can get.

The iLL proposal


Before I begin let me say, for all of my lovely ESL friends, "ill" means good.

So last Sunday in Korea was what is called "White Day." Traditionally, on Valentines day, the girl gives a present to the boy. Then on White Day, it's time for the boy to give a present to the girl. Now enough with the traditional stuff and let's get to the juicy part.

As some of you may know I was thinking of a nice and original way to propose to my lovely girlfriend (now Fiancee'). Getting the ring was easy enough since I have such great great taste:) (At this time I would like to give a shout out to Markens Jewlers, who also happen to be my second family, the Strauss's, for helping me out. Also my cousin Annah for coming with and trying to make me spend more money!) But it's hard to think of a way to propose while still being original because it's been done so many times before. Now, my way might have happened before, and it will def happen again after, but I have never heard nor seen it...so if you have, shut the hell up.

I sneaked out of bed in the morning, while she was sleeping, and went to the bag where the ring was hid. The bag was about 2 feet away from Jin's head. Luckily she sleeps like a log, but I was still very nervous she would wake up. The zipper on the bag opens up to where the handle of the suitcase is stowed, so it's a very small compartment. The zipper itself is maybe 10 inches in length but it still took me about a minute to open. All the while I was looking back to make sure she didn't wake up. No noise, success. I then went to get the ring, which was in a case, which was in a box, which was in the noisiest plastic bag in the world. As my luck would have it, the ring was really wedged in there. I wrestled with it for about a minute before I got it and then immediately ran into the bathroom to hide like a kid stealing a cookie from the jar. That is the downfall of living in a smallish studio apartment with two people. You hear EVERYTHING.

I took the box out of the bag, the case out of the box, and the ring out of the case. I put the ring on my pinky finger facing inwards to my palm. I walked out of the bathroom and got back into bed. She was facing away from me so I snuggled up next to her. I don't think I've ever been that nervous. My heart was beating as loud as I've ever heard it. I kissed her on the cheek to wake her up but she wasn't having any of that. She obviously still didn't want to wake up on her Sunday morning off. Finally she started to come to and I told her I love her, and she said it back. I asked "are you sure?" She made a noise that I knew to be yes. With her eyes still closed I told her "Then I have a question for you." I slipped the ring on her finger and asked her if she will marry me. Her eyes opened wide and she giggled, hugged, and jumped on me. After about 15 seconds...I just wanted to make sure...I asked her "so is that a yes?" And, of course it was. I found out later it wasn't my voice or my kissing her cheek that woke her up. It was my heart beating. She felt it AND heard it. She was a little curious what was going on.

After we woke up, both of us still in disbelief, we went downtown to eat our favorite food. We went shopping for some stuff we needed for the apt, and then came back home to spend the rest of our Sunday together as an engaged couple. All in all, an excellent day.

SNAGS: When I got to Korea she unpacked all of my things and I thought she found the ring. She didn't. I also watched a movie called "The Time Traveler's Wife." It was one SHE downloaded...and in the movie he actually proposed to his girlfriend very very similarly to what I wanted to do. The movie came out in Oct of 2009. I've had this idea pre Sept 2009 and I have proof! So I was just scared that she watched it. That would have ruined everything. I knew she didn't because I asked her all sly like the night before if she saw it yet.

So yeah, that is the story. Sorry for the length, but you asked for details. There they is ya'll. Stay cool, PEACE.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

The man at the desk

I am writing this at my brand new awesome and wonderful desk. It is truly fit for a literary genius; so I guess I have some work to do. Korea is pretty well known for it's markets. If you ever need anything second hand (sometimes first hand) you can be sure you will find it at one of the many markets.

When you get there it's basically a maze of streets packed with people selling things. It's a flea market lovers dream. It's all organized so that the same things are next to each other. At the one we just went to we were dropped off right near the fish ladies. They are the oldest people I have ever seen, sitting on these mini stools, with there old lady perms and old lady clothes. I asked one of the old women (in Korean) where the furniture store was. I understood the pointing part but she just started ranting about the directions like it was the most difficult thing in the world. My girlfriend and I actually had to walk away from her after about 3 minutes of her going on and on. We walked to the end of the block and turned right. It was RIGHT there. Hardly worthy of a three minute speech. First store, good deal and free delivery. Also no taxi ride back needed. SWEET.

RE: Korean old ladies. Once you hit a certain age tradition dictates that you must get a perm and cut your hair short. You also apparently have to loose all fashion sense...not that I am particularly stylish myself. I have come to the realization that I HATE old Korean women. There sense of entitlement is ridiculous. They walk three or four wide, slowly, down the street, without the courtesy to realize that people want to get around then. If you are standing in their way, or they want to get onto a packed subway car, here come the elbows. They must go through training because they elbow you right in the kidney. Every time, direct hit. It's frustrating to say the least. Anyway, I'm desked up and I'm happy about my Saturday with some sunny weather. Stay cool. PEACE.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I want to destroy my fridge. If it had a family I would end them too.

The title says it all. It's so bad that when the motor STARTS it get's quite. After it stops...forget about it. Pops from the cooling off, and then the worst 'bloop' 'bloop' 'bloop' draining sound in the whole world every 2 or 3 minutes for 20 minutes.

My school called a repair man to come and look at it. Of course when he showed up the fridge didn't make a single noise. Even after I explained it to him (with a little translating help) his response was that every fridge makes those sounds. And that it was just the model. I doubt Samsung makes all that money from selling loud home appliances. I've taken to sleeping with earplugs.

My apartment is pretty nice, even with the purple floral patterns on parts of the wall and the ceiling. But I want to throw my fridge out the window. It amazing how inanimate objects can frustrate people so much.

TOMORROW IS FRIDAY. Baby it's the freakin' weekend I'm gonna have me some fun. And by fun, I mean rest.


P.S- I found this sweet computer chair outside. Now it's inside under my butt. Free chairs. High five.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Kids: day 1

In Korea most people, depending on the time of year, are 2 years older than their ages in Korea. For example, I am 25 in America, but I am 27 here. This probably stops a lot of you older folks from coming to visit me. So when they told me I was teaching 5, 6, and 7 year olds I forgot to remember that they would really be 3, 4, and 5. They are really really small. Literally midgets. I have one student named Apple, who is such a little girl, she comes up to the middle of my thigh. What is most important to remember is that I am no giant.

My first day in school with the students I was only observing the class. While walking through the hall I was greeted in many different ways. Some foreseeable pokes to the butt, which plagues most foreign teachers in this country, and a whole lot of hellos. I even scared some of the 3 year olds into tears because they have never even seen a foreign person let alone been introduced to one. But perhaps the most memorable greeting came on the way to lunch. Apple, the tiniest of them all, opened her classroom door just as I was walking buy. Because she was right near me I stopped and said hello. She looked at me right in the eyes with a blank expression. "Hello", I said with a smile. While retaining her military like bearing, she proceeded to position her hand like she was holding up the number 4, and poked me right in the penis. Then, simply walked away, sat down, and continued eating.

Luckily for me she isn't very strong or she would have done some real damage. She will probably grow up to be a sniper, or even Moses. She defintely could part the Red Sea, so to speak. I was a little shocked but couldn't help laugh at the innocence of it all. She had no idea that it wasn't a kosher thing to do, but she didn't care. She thought it, and acted.

It is a little distressing to realize that most of my students thing like this, because one of my little dude students enjoys trying to kick, punch, prod, grab, and possibly telekinetically (probably not a word) destroy my private area. This I will say I don't enjoy too much, but the Korean teachers are helping me control him. I can't really complain because I have a feeling I would have done the same thing as a kid...or worse. Being moved to three different elementary schools in three consecutive years...you get the point.

Even with the pokes, these students give me joy. In the classroom and out, they hug me and tell me they love me daily. I am two days into teaching solo. I am sure I will have more stories.

Until next time ladies and gentlemen.

Cinder Block: OUT

Date: March, 2010. Mission: Kindergarten

Hello to you all. I've taken quite a long break since my last post, and an even longer break before that one. What can I say, when my job sucks, so do I. But that was last year, this is next.

I am back in the city where I first started; Daegu and I have taken a job at a kindergarten right outside one of the American military bases.

I have been back for about two weeks and I am into the second day of actual teaching. These kids are about 3, 4, and 5 years old and needless to say extremely cute. It's still a little hectic around here between getting accustomed to working at 9am and memorizing all of the lovely English songs that the kids will memorize. I have been working at it so much that I caught myself singing "Good morning to you" at the bar last weekend. It's actually kind of catchy. However, "Let's spin" is possibly the best song of the year...

Working with little kids has reinvigorated me and inspired me to start writing again. So here I am, back again for round 3. I hope you'll take the trip with me.